when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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