I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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