I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
