we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
