I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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