umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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