if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
