Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
