Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
