if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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