so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
