the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So vagazzling was a success
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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