I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
