I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
