Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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