i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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