When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
