Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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