i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
This toilet bowl is my home.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
