So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
