I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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