No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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