So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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