oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
