If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
