um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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