I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
