this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
