he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
