Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
