You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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