I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
