if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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