I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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