Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
