I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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