i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
