that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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