Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
