It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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