bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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