Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
