who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
