i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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