look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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