I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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