I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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