We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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