I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize