In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize