You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
