I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
