love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
