Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
