This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
