There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
