The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
