this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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