I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
