how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
