Sacagawea was the original milf.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize