Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
