I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think my nap took me to another dimension
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
