I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
