I got chris browned last night
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
