When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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