I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
