You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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