tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize