i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
