I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
