The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
