My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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