I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
