You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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