I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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