She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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