I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This house was built for laser tag.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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