My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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