Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
