so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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