I think I won the penis lottery.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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