I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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