At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
