Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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